Notes To Catherine

April 2017 My Dearest Catherine, Thank you for making the huge decision to return to our partnership and try to create a family with me. Thank you for working to open up your heart again to me over the past 10 months, and for checking in regularly as my own own sexual energy has cooled over that long period of waiting and hoping things will work out for us.  At first, I expected we could pick up where we had left off, and I have been so sad that we have essentially been starting our romantic relationship over, despite our huge love for each other.  Thank for you checking in with me every month, and sometimes weekly, to see if I am still feeling my love for you and still wanting to work toward creating family with you.  I have always said yes, for my love has never diminished and I have remained steadfast in wanting to realize our dream of being family together, even as I have struggled to reignite my own dwindling passions in the face of your initial harshness and...

What a beautiful morning in Hamburg. My friend Hilary and I walked to the nearby market to get veggies, cheese and bread. It's the longest market in Germany - stretching over a kilometer, and it runs underneath the train, which apparently went by but was so quiet I never heard it. There was everything from fruits and flowers to meats and cheeses and housewares like combs and brushes. It reminded me of our Wednesday market, but it was much larger... yet still felt small because it was just two stalls (one on either side) that stretched on and on. Listening to my friend Hilary speak German made me think what it would be like to live in another country and learn a language and how much quicker a child will learn languages than us. I told Hilary about what I'd done in terms of going all-in for creating a family with you. She was surprised and delighted, and thought it really good I did, pointing out that when a woman wants to be a mom, that desire overrides everything else, a...

Dear Villains, So much has happened in my life this week that I feel a need to catch you all up.  As you know, I've been experiencing a lot of sadness these past few months over the loss of my partnership with Catherine, and I have been focusing a lot more time being present to my children, which has felt really good to me. This is taking me away from the village, not only for the summer but also I have felt most-certainly for the coming year, as I have been exploring the possibility of either living with my ex in their house or living with a friend who lives two doors down from them. That in itself is a big shift, but another huge shift is also afoot. I have been thinking about Catherine's desire to create a family and have realized that my life situation has changed over the past several years such that the reasons I would not have a child with her are no longer true.  My biggest concern was that it would take energy away from Claressa and Caden.  But they are older...

Hello Dearest Love and Lifelong Friend, As promised, I recorded the doctor on Friday to share with you and am including some important points below. I thought about listening together, and feel sad you’ve cut off all contact because you feel trapped in our connection. Right now I wish you had a poly gene so you could date other men and still be my partner (then you could actually live your organic truth, and I'd be ok with it and wouldn't care about dating anyone else.) Obviously we have both reeled each other back in at times. And I am ashamed I interfered with Markie (even though I thought I was ready for a kid), which is why I wasn't planning to say anything this time, and certainly not right before your Taos trip. You know I'm serious this time because I've never been so focused and excited about creating family with you. As for wanting your input on houses, I wasn't trying to pull you back in so much as keep my promise to help you own a home and also pl...

I don't know how you've been able to deal with the past 20 days. I had never wanted to create such angst and uncertainty for you. I was careful not to say anything before your trip to Toas and had intended to only tell you if your current dating didn't feel like the right fit for you. I get that it is new and it's easy to doubt a new relationship until it has proved out over time.  Just because I want to spend my life with you and grow old with you doesn't mean you want that too.  I never thought I would want to re-marry, but I would be so happy and proud and grateful to be your husband, but that doesn't mean you would want that.    Just because you feel like my soulmate to me doesn't mean I feel like that to you. But if our relationship does feel like a solid bastion of super lovingness, and you would enjoy having me as your parenting partner, then I want to move quick to make that happen... I'm concerned that if we don't have children now, it ...

Hey babe, I've updated the spreadsheet and standardized my reseach onto one page with the top clinics I've found to work with (at the link below): It's strange. Now that a weight of parental and financial concerns has lifted, my heart has really been feeling into the joy of this posibility.  Being a dad has been the most gratifying thing I've ever done, and losing connection with my kids has been among the most painful. While not making any assumption, the thought of doing it with you (a partner I feel so much love and comfort and familiarity with) in a way that is more relaxed and enjoyable gets me excited. I know waiting for me has been really hard and perhaps too much to overcome, but doing so seems on par with me wanting another child, and since that has happened, it seems anything is possible!   I pray you will forgive me for taking so long to come around. I realize I've moved to a new place in life and can fully feel my desire to create a family ...